How to Have Difficult Conversations

Most people dread having to speak to someone about something unpleasant. Whether it is to broach a difficult topic with your boss or someone you manage, it takes courage to speak up. There is never a ‘right’ time to do it, hence we offer the following tips to get you started:

1. Think with the end in mind. Ask yourself “What do I want to achieve?”. This helps to remind yourself  to stay on track during the conversation instead of being dragged into argumentative stance. 
2.  State the facts. Describe the behaviour and give the facts without any interpretation. Keep your tone neutral. For instance, rather than telling your employee that he is not motivated to work, outline the actions or non-actions that you noticed in recent months. 
3. Allow time for reflection. Be comfortable with silence. Pauses allow us to have a calming moment and let the message sink in. Let the other person have time to respond and do not force them. 
4. Open up. Listen to the other person without showing any negative or strong emotions. Show that you understand not only what they are saying, but also how they feel. 
5. Work together for a resolution. Engage in genuine dialogue, ask questions and collaborate without judgement. This requires trust and understanding from both to share their assumptions and aspirations. 
6. Move on. Acknowledge that there will be differences. If both of you cannot agree on an issue, park the issue aside and come back to that later on. Do not waste time on it.